You aren't making this! You are making something better


Yesterday, I missed breakfast with everyone (not on purpose of course). I then had the opportunity to create my own breakfast, and guess what, I was in the mood for some bad-ass JUNK food. I used to do this a lot when I was in school, and now that I’m on holidays, no one can stop me. Yeeeah!!! Except Mom of course. In this post, I’m going to teach you how to make a real junk sandwich. I call it the ‘JOHNTERMINATOR’!! Yeah folks, the JohnTerminator is something your taste buds will never forget. Yes, why did i call it ‘JohnTerminator’? You’ll get to know later folks. Well, everything can be found either in your local supermarket or in your Mum’s kitchen cabinet so what are we waiting for, let’s get started!!


  • Bread – Agege bread, Adedeji bread, Mr. Biggs bread, Crunchies bread etc.
  • Butter – Blue Band might be there
  • Eggs – a few
  • Mayonnaise – Bama iGuess
  • Carrots – a few (it doesn’t have to get too healthy)
  • Sardines or mackerel – we are talking about Titus and Geisha. LOL
  • Luncheon Meat – 1 tin of some Chinese brand is okay
  • Onions – as much as you want
  • Tomatoes – I use 2 slices per sandwich but you can use more
  • Cucumber – same proportion as tomatoes
  • Cabbage – just a few
  • Salt
  • Sugar – St. Louis or just granulated is what you are most likely to find
  • Jam – Geurts iSuppose
  • ‘Any other thing you feel you want to throw in’, be creative (never watched Ratatouille?)
  • Not forgetting – a regular soft drink.
  1. Slice the bread (if not sliced) and place it on a CLEAN tray (just because its junk doesn’t mean it should be placed on muck).
  2. Butter the bread.
  3. Put the bread in the microwave, and set it on high for 10 seconds.
  4. If the butter hasn’t melted in yet, re-heat (I won’t be held responsible for your burnt bread :p)
  5. Put the glazed bread in the fridge.
  6. Cut up the tomatoes and cucumber into nice round slices.
  7. Put as much mayonnaise as you want in a bowl (not too much though).
  8. Chop the onions into small pieces and throw it into the bowl.
  9. Grate the carrots and throw into that bowl too.
  10. Mix the contents of the bowl until desired texture is attained. Take good care so as not to spill any on the kitchen cabinet (or else, you’ll be grounded when they return). N/B: an orange color is normal, if it’s still white, its abnormal.
  11. Mash the sardines and mackerel and mix into the paste, or should I say Junk sauce.
  12. Add a little bit of salt, sugar and ‘any other thing you feel you want to throw in’.
  13. Mix the paste until it is good enough for you. I suggest a minute-and-a-half of constant whipping.
  14. Cover the sauce with foil and put it in the fridge.
  15. Wash some cabbage and keep aside.
  16. Fry some eggs.
  17. Cut up the luncheon meat into rectangles of eatable thicknesses and fry them.
  18. Check if your sauce is cold. If yes, jump to step 17. If no, watch TV for a bit.
  19. Spread jam on one part of the bread.
  20. Spread your cold sauce on the other part.
  21. Time to start layering – after the sauce comes the cabbage.
  22. After the cabbage comes more sauce (minimal amount please).
  23. After the sauce, tomatoes.
  24. After tomatoes, cucumber.
  25. After the cucumber, eggs..
  26. Then some cabbage again.
  27. Then carefully covered with your jam side bread.
  28. Cover your sandwich with a foil, and put in the fridge for some minutes.
  29. After ‘some minutes’, bring it out and take a sweet bite!!!
Hmmmmm… Good Lord! Yummy!!! Don’t forget the soft drink. Ooops here comes Mummy!! 🙂  😀

I called the sandwich the ‘JOHNTERMINATOR’ which is a compound word consisting of John and Terminator. Basically it terminates your toilet. We had a lot of these inventions in school. Some other experiments you can try are;

  • Thick creamy soakiss (Cabin biscuit concocted in an excess amount of milk, sugar and milo, then dunked in an a cup – preferably aluminium, for premium enjoyment)
  • Pear pieces in Cassava Flakes (The famous garri with avocado pear pieces in it)
  • Improvised Indomie with fillings (Indomie cooked by soaking in previously boiled water mixed with an unusually large amount of Geisha [mackerel in tomato paste], Titus [sardines in vegetable oil], and Suya [Nigerian shish kebab] mixed in. Preferably eaten in a well disinfected bathroom bucket. N/B: keep some of the spices for future use. lol
  • Boarder’s night snack (Well ironed bun bread with fillings of either mayonnaise, butter and sardines or thick milo)
DISCLAIMER: ukagwu or any other related person will accept no liability for the consequences of any action (that causes sickness or intense purging) taken on the basis of the information provided, unless the after effect was sweet, nourishing and making you to want more. LOL. Just enjoy yourselves folks, keeping in mind that some things are good for your body at once, while others need some getting used to!
This post was inspired by my friend I talked about in The Journey, Marilyn. She loves junk food! :O
I also dedicate the post to all my secondary school friends. We lived the LIFE!!