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The Night Before and the Next Day Air I

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#BEGIN

Starting my day with a start is a frequent occurrence in my life. Last night, I was working on a video compilation that took hours to render. Even with that, I had lost the previous copy of the software, so I had to download a new (and updated) copy of it. Knowing how the internet in this area is, I’m quite sure you could give a good estimate of how long it would take to download a one-point-something gig file. Considering that I had struggle between an average range of 25KB/s and 50KB/s (and some not-so-regular peaks of 140KB/s. I guess you could estimate at about VERY LONG. I couldn’t even risk browsing other sites so as not to reduce the download speed. Apart from watching IDM’s spreadsheet-like interface and hoping that I see ’10 seconds left’, the only other thing I could do was read an article from 234 NEXT’s site about a funny story on some WITZAN association (I bet you’ve never heard of that before). You can find the story here. I couldn’t even tweet through my phone again, partly because the only people I had left on my timeline were these ‘feeds’ profiles that feed you with only God knows what (they’re helpful sometimes though). All I was left to do was switch between IDM’s spreadsheet and the already open web page, and this was as good as counting sheep. Before I knew it, I had drifted off to sleep. This was around 2 am (I hadn’t even finished downloading the program)

“YouKay, YouKay, wake up and get ready for church” was the next thing I heard. What!! Everywhere seemed so bright and lovely. I quickly checked the time 7:53 am!! Oh, God! With the many things I needed to do before I left for Calabar, I started running around with no particular direction in mind. Then it hit me!

I had not started with the rendering yet. I checked the download manager – Complete – it said. I quickly opened the folder and since the packages were compressed, I had to extract all to a single folder. As if that wasn’t enough, when I opened the folder, lo and behold! There were more compressed packages in it. Lord, have mercy. After a good ten minutes, I finally extracted the much needed .ISO file. Every action I did seemed to be going so slowly while time seemed to rush by as fast as it could. I left the software to install, while I did some other things. After what seemed like years, the installation finally bid me goodbye by saying
“INSTALL SUCCESSFUL, WOULD YOU LIKE TO RUN THE PROGRAM NOW?”
Yes! Of course. My head was aching, my heart pumping high grade adrenaline through my system. I became hyperactive. As quickly as I could, I packed the video files into the render project, amd knowing well that I wouldn’t finish the render by the time we left for church, I clicked ‘continue’ – in good faith of course. (I had to produce 3 DVDs from the render)

“YouKay, please come and put the kids in the car” That was my uncle calling. Thank God I’d had my bath. It was just a matter of dressing up and brushing my hair ūüėČ
After a couple of struggles and a few shouts, the kids finally got into their seat belts – except one though! Then, I got my luggage and myself into the car. Everywhere seemed calm while we waited for the woman of the house to come out so we can go.

But wait! I’ve had this feeling before. Its a feeling I’ve always remembered. A feeling that I’ve forgotten something. now to think of what that ‘thing’ was. Yes! I had forgotten to dress the bed. As a visitor in any place, its only polite for yu to dress the bed when you are leaving, right? Yes! SMH (Shaking my head), I immediately went back to the room to dress the bed, and from the look of things, I also knew I needed to sweep the room.

Honk Honk Honk!! That was the sound of the Mitsubishi SUV. It’s forever registered in my brain. After all those honking through Lagos traffic, honking for the security man, and honking to signify “I have come back oo”, why wouldn’t it register. This time though, I knew it was for “Let us start moving oo”. After a few well spread honks, we finally got a-moving.

I’ve always disliked long drives, especially those over water. With the church being on the mainland, while we lived on the island, we just had to cross the 3rd MainLand Bridge. I just had to endure the ride. I felt like throwing up!
Close to 45 minutes gone, we finally found ourselves at the church gates. KICC, Maryland is a wonderful place to serve God. Today’s service was mostly about the kids. A lot of prayers were said on them, and with the fact that I had no kid yet, I humbly prayed for my siblings.

For a flight that would take off around 5 pm, getting to the airport at noon was a little bit too early. But in my life, I never consider anything as ‘too early’. Tis better to wait than allow the event be come and gone’. I got to eat breakfast a Burcello’s – a quarter chicken with some rice and salad to go with it. I quickly took down the rice and salad, but when it came to the chicken, I was faced with two options

      Eat ‘Englishman’ style with fork and knife
    Eat ‘Normal’ style with hands and palms

Of course jurr, it struck my brain that there’s no use ordering a quarter chicken if you weren’t even gonna eat half of it, and moreover, at KFC (master of the chicken), it is considered perfectly abnormal to go Englishman style on an 8-piece bucket. Yes! I got my hands dirty and it felt so good. I even cracked a few bones (we all know that’s the best part of eating a chicken. LOL) after eating my food with a background music of Nigeria’s Presidential Inauguration, I felt like having a nap on their soft ‘Burcellic’ chairs. But I knew that would just kill me. I needed to get my hands clean again. A few minutes later, I found myself at the open lobby looking for a place to sit. The open lobby want like the waiting lobby where there was an abundance of chairs. Chairs were damn scarce here as passengers as well as their friends occupied everywhere just chatting the time away. I finally saw a chair, and started walking towards it. Then I saw her.

Thanks for reading this first part, please do watch out for my next post! LOL.. Cheers

#END

 

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When you just need JUNK

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You aren't making this! You are making something better

#BEGIN

Yesterday, I missed breakfast with everyone (not on purpose of course). I then had the¬†opportunity¬†to¬†create¬†my own breakfast, and guess¬†what,¬†I was in the mood for some¬†bad-ass¬†JUNK food. I used to do this a lot when I was in school, and now that I’m on holidays, no one can stop me. Yeeeah!!! Except Mom of course. In this post, I’m going to teach you how to make a real junk sandwich. I call it the ‘JOHNTERMINATOR’!! Yeah folks, the JohnTerminator is something your taste buds will never forget. Yes, why did i call it ‘JohnTerminator’? You’ll get to know later folks. Well, everything can be found either in your local¬†supermarket¬†or in your Mum’s¬†kitchen¬†cabinet so what are we waiting for, let’s get started!!

Ingredients

  • Bread – Agege bread, Adedeji bread, Mr. Biggs bread, Crunchies bread etc.
  • Butter – Blue Band might be there
  • Eggs – a few
  • Mayonnaise – Bama iGuess
  • Carrots – a few (it¬†doesn’t¬†have to get too healthy)
  • Sardines or mackerel – we are talking about Titus and Geisha. LOL
  • Luncheon Meat – 1 tin of some¬†Chinese¬†brand is okay
  • Onions – as much as you want
  • Tomatoes – I use 2 slices per sandwich but you can use more
  • Cucumber – same proportion as tomatoes
  • Cabbage – just a few
  • Salt
  • Sugar – St. Louis or just granulated is what you are most likely to find
  • Jam – Geurts iSuppose
  • ‘Any other thing you¬†feel¬†you want to throw in’, be creative (never watched Ratatouille?)
  • Not forgetting – a regular soft drink.
Procedure
  1. Slice the bread (if not sliced) and place it on a CLEAN tray (just because its junk¬†doesn’t¬†mean it should be placed on muck).
  2. Butter the bread.
  3. Put the bread in the microwave, and set it on high for 10 seconds.
  4. If the butter¬†hasn’t¬†melted in yet, re-heat (I won’t be held responsible for your burnt bread :p)
  5. Put the glazed bread in the fridge.
  6. Cut up the tomatoes and cucumber into nice round slices.
  7. Put as much mayonnaise as you want in a bowl (not too much though).
  8. Chop the onions into small pieces and throw it into the bowl.
  9. Grate the carrots and throw into that bowl too.
  10. Mix the contents of the bowl until desired texture is attained. Take good care so as not to spill any on the kitchen cabinet (or else, you’ll be grounded when they return). N/B: an orange¬†color¬†is normal, if it’s still white, its abnormal.
  11. Mash the sardines and mackerel and mix into the paste, or should I say Junk sauce.
  12. Add a little bit of salt, sugar and ‘any other thing you feel you want to throw in’.
  13. Mix the paste until it is good enough for you. I suggest a minute-and-a-half of constant whipping.
  14. Cover the sauce with foil and put it in the fridge.
  15. Wash some cabbage and keep aside.
  16. Fry some eggs.
  17. Cut up the luncheon meat into rectangles of eatable thicknesses and fry them.
  18. Check if your sauce is cold. If yes, jump to step 17. If no, watch TV for a bit.
  19. Spread jam on one part of the bread.
  20. Spread your cold sauce on the other part.
  21. Time to start layering – after the sauce comes the cabbage.
  22. After the cabbage comes more sauce (minimal amount please).
  23. After the sauce, tomatoes.
  24. After tomatoes, cucumber.
  25. After the cucumber, eggs..
  26. Then some cabbage again.
  27. Then carefully covered with your jam side bread.
  28. Cover your sandwich with a foil, and put in the fridge for some minutes.
  29. After ‘some minutes’, bring it out and take a sweet bite!!!
Hmmmmm… Good Lord! Yummy!!! Don’t forget the soft drink. Ooops here comes Mummy!! ūüôā ¬†ūüėÄ
NOTE THAT YOU NEED TO BE CREATIVE. DON’T JUST PUT EVERYTHING ONE ON TOP THE OTHER, GIVE IT A SENSE OF STYLE – A WELL ORDERED LAYERING IF I MIGHT ADD. MAKE SOMETHING PRESENTABLE!

I called the sandwich the ‘JOHNTERMINATOR’ which is a compound word consisting of John and Terminator. Basically it terminates your toilet. We had a lot of these inventions in school. Some other experiments you can try are;

  • Thick creamy soakiss (Cabin biscuit concocted in an excess amount of milk, sugar and milo,¬†then¬†dunked in an a cup – preferably aluminium, for premium enjoyment)
  • Pear pieces in Cassava Flakes (The famous garri with avocado pear pieces in it)
  • Improvised Indomie with fillings (Indomie cooked by soaking in previously boiled water mixed with an unusually large amount of Geisha [mackerel in tomato paste], Titus [sardines in vegetable oil], and Suya [Nigerian shish kebab] mixed in. Preferably eaten in a well disinfected bathroom bucket. N/B: keep some of the spices for future use. lol
  • Boarder’s night snack (Well ironed bun bread with fillings of either mayonnaise, butter and sardines or thick milo)
DISCLAIMER: ukagwu or any other related person will accept no liability for the consequences of any action (that causes sickness or intense purging) taken on the basis of the information provided, unless the after effect was sweet, nourishing and making you to want more. LOL. Just enjoy yourselves folks, keeping in mind that some things are good for your body at once, while others need some getting used to!
This post was inspired by my friend I talked about in The Journey, Marilyn. She loves junk food! :O
I also dedicate the post to all my secondary school friends. We lived the LIFE!!
#END

Happy 22nd morning

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#BEGIN

Hey folks, I guess we survived the whole end of the world story. Again!
I could say slept quite late the 20th, or I slept quite early on the 21st, but either way, I think you’ll get what I’m talking about. It was 2 am of the 21st morning and I was still awake. Chatting with my best pals, tweeting about this whole Judgement day thing, and there was even an ‘end of the world confessions’ trend. My cousin and I were sharing a bed and he was fast asleep. I was watching him, so that just in case he started floating off without me, I’ll quickly grab hold of him. Crazy, huh? Who wants to be on earth when the earthquakes and fires described by the 2012 movie begin? I would love a lot more adventure in my life, but certainly not that kind.

Well, I wonder what Mr. Harold Camping is planning to tell us now that he has refused to answer his door. Maybe another miscalculation, or even a heavenly revelation of postponement. Come on! The man shouldn’t have said anything at all. Now people have turned this whole Rapture statement into ridicule. Atheists at the city where his network resides are making ‘good fun’ of it. Someone is even selling jewelry with the engraving ‘Good without God’. There’s even a book coming out on May 24th by that same name. Also, the Cable News Network has named it ‘Mis-Judgement Day’. Wow! The man cries wolf once again.

As for me, I’ll just go about my daily routine as always. Always praying hard that humans will allow God into their hearts. Yes, you might fall along the way. Yes, you might forget to pray. But God sees you as his child and will forgive you (that doesn’t mean you should try to take advantage of that fact). As far as you don’t stop believing in God, you will always be safe. For sure, the world will sure end one day, but in my own opinion, it isn’t in the next 50 or so years. But think about it, the world doesn’t necessarily have to end before you die. You might die tomorrow and where will your soul go! Where will your conscience sleep! Think about it, and think real hard. Happy Sunday folks, enjoy yourselves. ūüėÄ

#END

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The End is near… not

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WOW!! I was browsing lately, and I came across this site.. 1000 (or so) things to do before the end of the world and I just had to share it with you guys. My best guess is that the same thing happened in 1994, only, they used express snail mail to deliver the information. Gosh! The people would have started wondering after that day had passed!

“Oh! They took $500 just to make it express to my sister”

“Oh! I’ve just wasted my money trying to tell my brother this”

“Oh! This” and “Oh! That”

Well, I guess by tomorrow we would know what happens, but also, at the same time, we all seem to know that no one knows the day nor the hour, right?.

Well folks, read the link, and I’ll be very glad if I got to wish you Happy 22nd morning, and I’ll also be very glad if I never got to wish you Happy 22nd morning. Good luck folks. May God be with you!

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The Journey 2

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#BEGIN

As I sit on this wooden chair
Outside this seemingly lively motel
People walking here and there
People playing ball, so its safe to say its a hostel

After Part 1, we got into a rollercoaster ride
Bumpy roads tried to force the food out of my mouth
Still a lovely lady by my side
The gist never seemed to drop out

Not long after, we reached a rest stop
My stomach’s still tight but I need to buy something
A couple of fruits I had to keep for eating
I think I also saw a sour-sop

A story past, the silence of the lambs
A novel’s gone, the blare of the cars
Now my stop approached, I’m not too good on goodbyes
I saw some flashing headlamps

After much haggling like an African does
I found a nice fare to this place
No one wants to take a bus
Everyone wants a little space

My friends have gone their ways
It now me and my cousin
We see nothing but highways
God! Please take away this burden

A couple of hours, A few talks
I find myself reuniting with an old friend
Few minutes later, we appear at the mall
A few walks, cinema’s around the bend

Priest was good, loved the slow-mo
Plenty of graphics, tell me 2 terabytes of rendering
Wait, I have to pick a few sweets for my sweet cousin
A few cabs later, we are heading back to my place

Guys never do goodbyes, we only chime
“I’ll see you later mehn”
Later might be in a few years time
I just had to pick my pen

As I sit on this wooden chair
Outside this seemingly lively hostel
Nobody walking here and there
Nobody playing ball, so its safe to say its a hotel

Adios amigos. Till next time

#END

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The Journey 1

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#BEGIN

PART 1

Waking up to hunger
Not the best there is
Where’s my home-made burger
My bad – I left it for the fleas

First I call the money makers
To give me my own cut of the dough
God! One of them isn’t picking up his shakers
I guess he’s gone with half my blow

Time to eat something good
Where is the cafeteria when you need her
I need to eat some real food
But bread and cheese spread is what is there

Now, I am well packed and ready
But the lady I’m travelling with (my cousin FYI) is still packing
Ladies are always less ready
I wonder if she’s up-making

As I sit in this metallic gray bus
On the soft red leather chairs
I can’t help but feel a small spark of joy force
Its way through me as I leave this place

Been 3 hours and we’re still on the road
No sleep’s coming thanks to the lady beside me
She’s so full of adventure. I never get bored
I should have posted this long ago, well its all glee

My friend and my cousin keep on sleeping and waking
My eyes never fall, its like a new awakening
Marilyn, that’s her name, she’s so full of gist
We are even planning a bucket list

Cool down people, she’s just a new friend I made
I almost never make new friends this way, but that’s the new
Most times on a bus, its into sleep I fade
I’ll surely give you more stories, but that’s in Part 2

#END

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Another relatively boring day

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#BEGIN

Yeah, most of my friends are gone, most of my jobs are done, but none of these days are fun. Contrary to the popular clich√© “Thank God its Friday”, I say “Thank God its Monday”. I can’t wait for Tuesday to be here, so that I can leave this forsaken place! Urrgh!

I went to my friend’s place this morning, and I couldn’t resist watching 3 Idiots with him. I swear, that movie is a must watch. It probably never gets boring, except when you’ve watched it about a hundred times, or occasionally when you are watching it with someone who knows the story from beginning to end. Well if you haven’t watched the movie, here’s the trailer.

3 Idiots Trailer

If it appeals to you (I know it will), I normally don’t endorse this, but download it off rapidshare or any of those file sharing sites. Or rather, buy the DVD.

As I stand outside my hostel, watching more of my friends go and my crush board the bus. I can’t help but picture them eating better food while I’m here dividing my rations so I don’t have to cook before I go. Now, talking about things to do before I go, I can’t really see anything worth spending much time on except twitter or facebook. Well, although I’ve packed my stuff, washed my dirty clothes and also put my fridge on defrost, the bad thing about today is that my laptop is not showing any signs of coming on, its probably some graphic card problem. So its just an empty day (without movies or games) for me. I hope yours will be much better than mine.

If you have a big collection of movies, here are my top ten movies of last week so you can watch if your friend or someone has them. (They are a mixture of old and new movies).

    3 Idiots
    The Proposal
    Fast Five
    Eagle Eye
    Stardust
    Death at a funeral
    Big Mommas Like father Like son
    Wrong Turn 3
    Prince of Persia
    All about Steve

Aal Izz Well!

#END

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